For a while now, God has been moving in my life and changing my heart. Changing the desire of a bigger house to the desire of better hospitality. Changing the need for more money to the need of more dependence on Him. Changing my career plans into missionary plans.
Every time I read His word, listen to worship songs, attend a church service, read a book or talk to people, it seems He adds a bit more of His will into my heart.
And yet, when I looked at my husband and when I talked to him, I didn't get that feeling. He seemed comfortable. Secure. Driven. Just not in the same direction that I was heading to. Which broke my heart into a million pieces.
I've been praying a lot about this, and this weekend we had some time to discuss hot topics between husband and wife at our couple's retreat. At the end, we were supposed to bring any issues we did not feel comfortable bringing up. After a long discussion and lots of breakthroughs in different areas of our marriage, Andre told me there was nothing he needed to bring up that he hadn't before.
So, afraid and teary eyed, I began telling him. I firmed my gaze at the laze and talked slowly about how I crave for more. How I am ready for a deeper commitment. How I was made to worship Jesus and how I want to live my life for Him. How I feel like I am wasting my time each day I spend focused on something else. And how I cannot live hiding this from him anymore, putting my husband's comfort above God's calling.
When I was done talking, there was silence, and I expected the worst. So I looked at him bracing myself, only to find him in tears.
It turns out God has been changing his heart as well (of course he has!) and Andre feels the same way. But he was too scared I wouldn't accept this. That I would think he was crazy. Sound familiar?
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing,
but to us who are being saved it is the power of God
1 Corinthians 1:18
So if there is anything that God is pressing upon your heart, I beg you to talk about it with your spouse. God will never have distinct and opposing plans for husband and wife. Thinking that only delays God's plans for His glory.