Life ruins- Part 3

Remember my Instagram picture with the nasty comment? Apparently it did not hit home. Or maybe it did, and the enemy blinds us so much that we don't look at our own sin, thinking this does not apply to me. I, on the other hand, was devastated. When I posted it, I wanted it to hurt. But deep down, I wanted it to change something. To (maybe not so lovingly) point out I see what you are doing. It is not cool. Please stop. I need you to be a better role model for me. 

I backtracked the entire situation. I served and it did not work. I humbled myself and it did not work. I talked and it did not work. I exposed sin and it did not work. And to make matters worse, it seemed that any shred of respect and honor I had for this person went out of the window. I was better off before I began this devotional in the first place. So I cried out to God. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. God's answer came quickly and clearly. 

You jumped the gun. Search my Word.

I had finished Ezra and moved on to Nehemiah. When I got to Nehemiah 7:4 I struck gold:

Now the city was large and spacious, but there were few people in it, and the houses had not yet been rebuilt. 

The wheels began turning. 

They came back from exile.
First they rebuilt the temple.
Then they rebuilt the walls.
Now they were about to rebuilt the houses. 

I looked at my life. I tried to go from coming back from exile to rebuilding houses. I was putting family before God. But I have been a good girl, reading the Word, praying, studying, attending church, what was there to be rebuilt with God?

Trust. Exposing my own sins. Repentance. And a lot more that God is continually working in me. 

I learned a great lesson through this mess. I cannot assume I know what God is trying to tell me. I need to ask Him. He does the talking, I do the listening, and not the other way around. So I threw my hands in the air about this whole kerfuffle, for now at least. I have more urgent things to deal with, and it's not about anybody else. It's between God and myself.

Instamonth Day 31

Lord, guard my mouth.
    Keep watch over the door of my lips.
 Don’t let my heart be drawn to what is evil.

Psalm 141:3

Instamonth Day 12

Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent?

    Who may live on your holy mountain? 

The one whose walk is blameless,

    who does what is righteous,

    who speaks the truth from their heart;

 

whose tongue utters no slander,

    who does no wrong to a neighbor,

    and casts no slur on others;

 

who despises a vile person

    but honors those who fear the Lord;

who keeps an oath even when it hurts,

    and does not change their mind;

 

who lends money to the poor without interest;

    who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

Whoever does these things

    will never be shaken.

Psalm 15

When not everyone is ok with what is going on

This weekend I went to a college graduation party, and I must say I thought it was one of the oddest events I ever attended. It started at 11pm (!) and included a dinner (?). There were families there, with proud dads, smiling grandparents and some children. People were dressed to the tee, and women looked like a million dollars.

Until a certain time. Sometime around 2am, things began to go south. The open bar policy became more evident with every graduate stumbling, women taking off their shoes and letting their hairs down in a mess, which apparently is supposed to be sexy.

With every drunken girl, promiscuous couple and low cut cleavage, all I could think of was there are parents and grandparents in this place. How is everyone ok with this?

And then I realized, not everyone is ok with that. God was certainly not ok with that.

So after my initial wow, she's a train wreck thoughts, I changed my perspective. I engaged in prayer. 

I prayed those young women would know the value they have in the sight of God.
I prayed those young men would learn to respect and not take advantage of needy girls.
I prayed these kids would mature and learn the joys of living a Godly life out weight getting drunk.
I prayed these parents would see this scenario and actually take steps to help their sons and daughters, their babies to know better.
I prayed my future children are sheltered from this influence.
And I prayed God would continue to prompt me to see things through His eyes and feel His pain. 

A wholehearted year: praying

I've been talking about a wholehearted year. I was actually shocked to find out that having a word for the year seems to be a common thing, as this was God's guiding, not a cool idea I found on a blog. I'm glad to see God's direction on such a large group of people!

Check some great blogs and people's words here. If you missed out on my own path, start here.

Prayer. Oh, boy, where do I start?

I've had a superficial prayer life, to say the least. I am embarrassed to say grace in public, specially when I eat with non-Christian friends. My goodnight prayers can get stuck in a routine. I am great at praying when something huge happens or when I feel in danger, but not so good at the day to day kind of stuff. 

I once read that people struggle with prayer because it requires them to be humble. You are basically admitting defeat, and that you cannot do without God. At first the idea sounded ridiculous to me. Of course I was humble, of course I gave everything up to Christ. Or did I?

I have come to see that I have two major stumbling blocks when it comes to prayer. The first one is pride itself. Not because I am proud and tell God I've got it, but because I get convinced that things are too small of a thing to pray about, which means I end up with a short and sad prayer life, all the while thinking "I've got this Lord, no need to worry", when that's the exact opposite of what He wants. 

The second stumbling block I have is lack of determination. It's just too easy to get distracted by that thought that comes and says "you forgot to load the laundry", which promptly drives me from the couch onto a house keeping marathon before I know it. Am I the only one?

Although we are still at the beginning of the year, I have felt that my new relationship with the Word of God has allowed me to go deeper into prayer. The wheels start turning and all of a sudden I am praying about something seemingly unrelated, but that I know I had been avoiding. And it feels great. 

Now I just need the discipline for those little prayers to make their way through my day, always reminding me that the Holy Spirit is right beside me at all times.