One of those weeks...

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It's been a whole eight days since my last post. You know what that means, it's been one of those weeks. 

A trying week.
A week in which I did more listening than talking.
A week in which I have made myself humble to honor God.
A week in which I focused on Jesus instead of crying over people who were mean to me.
A week in which I worked long hours and still found strength to work at the last few minutes as I did when I walked in many hours earlier. 
A week in which you see a lot of work and effort go down the drain as you backtrack five steps.

I love these weeks. I'd probably be crazy if I loved them for the hectic-ness, but I do appreciate them and love them for the results. These are the weeks that God uses to prompt me in a new direction. To regroup, to secure me, to provide. To make me question myself, and the whys and whats and hows of my life. 

These are the weeks that the Holy Spirit speaks loud and clear instead of softly nudging you as you go along.

These are the weeks in which Jesus is all I long for.

These are the weeks in which my testimony speaks louder, for the glory of God.

These are the weeks in which life is lived wholeheartedly. 

A wholehearted year: praying

I've been talking about a wholehearted year. I was actually shocked to find out that having a word for the year seems to be a common thing, as this was God's guiding, not a cool idea I found on a blog. I'm glad to see God's direction on such a large group of people!

Check some great blogs and people's words here. If you missed out on my own path, start here.

Prayer. Oh, boy, where do I start?

I've had a superficial prayer life, to say the least. I am embarrassed to say grace in public, specially when I eat with non-Christian friends. My goodnight prayers can get stuck in a routine. I am great at praying when something huge happens or when I feel in danger, but not so good at the day to day kind of stuff. 

I once read that people struggle with prayer because it requires them to be humble. You are basically admitting defeat, and that you cannot do without God. At first the idea sounded ridiculous to me. Of course I was humble, of course I gave everything up to Christ. Or did I?

I have come to see that I have two major stumbling blocks when it comes to prayer. The first one is pride itself. Not because I am proud and tell God I've got it, but because I get convinced that things are too small of a thing to pray about, which means I end up with a short and sad prayer life, all the while thinking "I've got this Lord, no need to worry", when that's the exact opposite of what He wants. 

The second stumbling block I have is lack of determination. It's just too easy to get distracted by that thought that comes and says "you forgot to load the laundry", which promptly drives me from the couch onto a house keeping marathon before I know it. Am I the only one?

Although we are still at the beginning of the year, I have felt that my new relationship with the Word of God has allowed me to go deeper into prayer. The wheels start turning and all of a sudden I am praying about something seemingly unrelated, but that I know I had been avoiding. And it feels great. 

Now I just need the discipline for those little prayers to make their way through my day, always reminding me that the Holy Spirit is right beside me at all times. 

Discovering the first love

This is part 4 of my spiritual journey. Start reading here. 

When my brother left for Brazil, I was welcomed in by the church group. They'd invite me for dinner. They helped me move. They called often. They made me feel part of their group.

I had to go back to Savannah but they kept pursuing me. Praying for me. And I just felt the love. I began reading the Bible and listening (and taking notes!) during the church service. On Thanksgiving, they went out of their way to welcome me. And while we prayed, I heard God for the second time.

You asked for a family. This is it. 

I immediately broke down. My parents had just been through a painful divorce, and although I never said it out loud, all I wanted was a family. 

On December I officially said out loud that I recognized Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I went to a retreat that changed my life. And then I got baptized on February 5th, 2006. 

I had daily access to the pastor and his wife, my friends were the ones managing the sound system and the collections. There were (maybe) around 30 of us. I was able to truly enjoy the definition of fellowship. It was by no means perfect, but it felt like a family, which was exactly what I needed.

Come back on Monday for part 5!

Meeting Christ

This is part 3 of my spiritual journey. Start reading here. 

My brother invited me to his church, but I wasn't very interested. I was way too judgmental, that is the truth. Then one day, Robin casually mentioned he would be baptized in the last Sunday he was in the States.

Say what? I couldn't believe it. He had been baptized as a baby, and that just sounded.... rude. He explained to me the differences in babies being baptized for cleansing of the 'original sin', and someone being baptized in Christ. It sounded important enough for me to attend,  because I was the only family he had in Atlanta, and I felt I just had to support him.

Brotherly love. 

The church was in a business center, which seemed odd to me. The amount of people there? A (very) small one. The music was dynamic and the service was radically different that I had ever seen. Everyone seemed way too young, including the pastor. I wasn't interested nor impressed.

At the end of the service they had the baptisms. I remember general nice things being said about my brother, and tearing up with his speech about his path to Christ. And then it happened.

Now, before I tell you what happened, I know it sounds controversial. I know some people don't believe it. But I'll tell you anyway.

I heard God speak. For the first time, ever, I felt in my heart that God was telling me something very specific, and that went against my plans for my own life:

You are next. 

 Come back tomorrow for part 4. 

Gearing up for 31 days

Today I come to you with an invitation to join me. Join us actually. I have made it clear how much I enjoy reading Emily's blog and books, and it took me a while to understand that the Nester is her sister. They are both awesome, that's what I mean.

Every October, they put on a month long invitation to join them to write for 31 days. About whatever you want to write on, as long as you think you won't get sick of it. And this time I decided to join them.

I'm actually quite scared of the thought of writing for 31 days straight. All sorts of what ifs rush through my mind and I already foresee skipping posts and letting (imaginary) people down. And that's exactly why I have to do it.

I didn't have to do much thinking about the theme, as I've been focusing on it for quite a while now. But I know the idea of writing about it will force me to digest some things that are still milling in my head, search for inspiration through other blogs and focus on lessons I've heard and yet don't seem to have learned.

If you are looking for a blogging challenge, I suggest you join us. It can be about anything, as long as you write, write, write. For some free 31 buttons, hop on to the Nester's site. See you Monday with the first post!