A wholehearted year: serving

I've been talking about a wholehearted year. If you missed out, start here.

If praying is something I struggle with, not so much when it comes to serving. I was raised in a family that goes above and beyond, went to a school that believes in the power of Christian service, and enjoyed opportunities in college and after on many shapes and forms of community service. From bathing horses to installing house insulation, from playing bingo with elders to basketball with inner city kids, you name it, I've probably done it.

But I have a problem. A big one.

If someone asks me why, I'm not sure what I'll answer.  And if the honest answer does come out, it won't really be a pretty one.

Most of the time, it was because I am a good girl, and that is what good girls do. We act selflessly and then we bask on the praise we get. Or we get slammed with doing too much for too many people because we cannot imagine saying no and hurting some one's feelings. Well, it turns out Jesus has something to say about that:

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. 

If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven." Matthew 6:1

Ouch. 

So in this wholehearted year, I am pulling stops on my involvement and service. Yes, I will serve, because it is the Christian thing to do. But serving to impress others? Serving out of a sense of obligation that is only fed by pride? I am saying no to that. 

A wholehearted year: praying

I've been talking about a wholehearted year. I was actually shocked to find out that having a word for the year seems to be a common thing, as this was God's guiding, not a cool idea I found on a blog. I'm glad to see God's direction on such a large group of people!

Check some great blogs and people's words here. If you missed out on my own path, start here.

Prayer. Oh, boy, where do I start?

I've had a superficial prayer life, to say the least. I am embarrassed to say grace in public, specially when I eat with non-Christian friends. My goodnight prayers can get stuck in a routine. I am great at praying when something huge happens or when I feel in danger, but not so good at the day to day kind of stuff. 

I once read that people struggle with prayer because it requires them to be humble. You are basically admitting defeat, and that you cannot do without God. At first the idea sounded ridiculous to me. Of course I was humble, of course I gave everything up to Christ. Or did I?

I have come to see that I have two major stumbling blocks when it comes to prayer. The first one is pride itself. Not because I am proud and tell God I've got it, but because I get convinced that things are too small of a thing to pray about, which means I end up with a short and sad prayer life, all the while thinking "I've got this Lord, no need to worry", when that's the exact opposite of what He wants. 

The second stumbling block I have is lack of determination. It's just too easy to get distracted by that thought that comes and says "you forgot to load the laundry", which promptly drives me from the couch onto a house keeping marathon before I know it. Am I the only one?

Although we are still at the beginning of the year, I have felt that my new relationship with the Word of God has allowed me to go deeper into prayer. The wheels start turning and all of a sudden I am praying about something seemingly unrelated, but that I know I had been avoiding. And it feels great. 

Now I just need the discipline for those little prayers to make their way through my day, always reminding me that the Holy Spirit is right beside me at all times.