Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Three strikes and you're out!

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Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave book made quite an impression on me. And although I felt that most of it would be food related, I learned a lesson during my quitting process that shocked me. Her reflection on how the enemy works was spot on, and I was once again thankful for having the knowledge to fight this battle.

If you got the impression yesterday that my quitting kerfuffle was a simple one, make no mistake, my friend. It was a long time coming, and it involved countless tears and many moments in which I sat on the floor with my head on my hands asking God why was he making me go thorough this. So let me tell you some more:

Lysa's book is fabulous, and it really changed my relationship with food. But the pivotal part that I took from it was her explanation of sin based on 1 John 2:15-16

For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world

She breaks down all three points brought up here, and if you want to read through them, I really suggest you get the book, because I won't give someone else's milk for free. But let me tell you how satan attempted to get me to back down from my God-given direction:

The boasting of what he has or does

The initial reaction of one of my employers when I said I quit, was something I had been waiting a whole year to hear. Please don't. We need you. We won't find someone like you. This school is lost without you.

The whole time I was thinking you're right about that. Until I remembered Lysa's words. Ouch. I fought that attack the only way I knew how, humbling myself. I made an enormous list of all my shortcomings for the job. I detailed how my lack of experience had made me second guess myself and my staff. I described how I was horrible at bossing people, and had no people management skills. And then I began to paint a picture of what a true fantastic coordinator would be, and how I was miles away from that. 

Lust of the eyes

The next step was for her to play hardball with me. What do you want? Anything, we'll get. More staff. More money. A different job description. Think it through, and come back to me, we'll meet whatever your needs are.

That's below the belt for me. I am someone who truly struggles with sense of security, and as soon as she started talking, salary figures and extra vacation time started popping in my head. It was ugly, really. For a split second, I was ready to take full advantage of what I "deserved". Which is why I had to stand my ground and just answer it's not about that. Over, and over again. 

Cravings of the sinful man

The last attack was the worst, and it made me feel like Eve in the garden. I was resolute that my only craving could be to honor God, and it was done, I had finally made my decision. When my boss called me an hour later to insist yet again on the other two issues and saw I was still firm, she appealed to my Christian values. You have to put yourself in our shoes, you are abandoning us. That cannot be the right thing to do.

And that one actually got me thinking. Should I hold off until June? Should I commit to staying until we found a replacement, no matter how long it took? Was I misinterpreting God's plan for my life? I could hear it clearly.... 

Did God really say....?

Which is why I am so sure that this was the right thing to do. The more I feel attacked, the more I am certain this is for the glory of God!